


Untold Confessions

by Azurekkun



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: "Just get married already" basically, Friendship/Love, Give me more fluff, Has some little angst?, Hoshi and Woozi, Hoshi x Woozi, Idols, Kwon Soonyoung x Lee Jihoon, M/M, Make my heart squeeze with delight instead of hurt, MalexMale, Normal AU, Other Members - Freeform, Pls save my heart from all the angst, Romance, Seventeen - Freeform, Slow Burn, Soonhoon - Freeform, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, no established relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-06-15 10:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15410673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurekkun/pseuds/Azurekkun
Summary: Through the warming fondness and subtle affections, the mixed feelings that are both familiar and unidentifiable creates whirling thoughts in one's mind. What goes unnoticed becomes noticeable and what used to be no problem starts to become an issue to an individual.One seeks for words and confirmation.The other just wants to figure it all out.





	1. A Steamed Bun Warms The Heart

Sore, red fingertips grip the front of the hat to hastily pull it off and comb through the dark tresses in frustration. After a small shake of the head, it rolls back with a deep huff escaping thin lips as heavy and exhausted lids close. The dimness and silence within the small room covers the body in an overwhelming pleasant blanket. A break is certainly needed but things aren't even half done. With that thought in mind, another sigh only heard by no one else escapes.

“I have to get this done..” Nothing but a quiet murmur. Legs stretch out from underneath the desk and he leans further back into the wheelie chair. The hand that was previously combing his bangs out of his face was now covering his eyes as his other arm hangs freely down beside him. He lavishes in the silence even if he knows it'll only last for a couple of seconds.

A quiet tone makes him aware and prepared before the soft click of the opening object behind him. He isn't phased—in fact—no part of him even moves an inch except for the rise and fall of his chest. Heavy steps alert him of how close the intruder plans to get.

_'They’re like stomps...so someone that doesn't care about how loud they are or how they walk...Seungkwan, Dokyeom? No, no. More likely Jun..’_ He thinks before he hears the ruffling of what seems to be a bag of chips. He intently listens carefully to how many times the bag crumples—the sound of crunching and smacking of lips noisily feels the room.

_'Ahh...Soonyoung’ _He easily identifies. The footsteps stop behind his chair and he feels a careful pressure on his slouched shoulder. The breath of air slightly blows at his short strands— without intentions to—from behind his head.__

“The others haven't seen much of you lately. The ones that have only do when they come here.” Soonyoung muffles through mouthfuls of crunches. A groan leaves his parted lips as the thought of the others dizzy around his head. They always worry about him, and he's aware of how they try to care for him, but he couldn't help but wish they'd understand the position he's in. His hand slides slightly down his face to allow one half-lidded eye to peek through his fingers—glancing up towards the other male with a lazy glaze as his head rolls further back. The older males’ pale cheeks puffing up and down with every loud bite, a face showing nothing but blithe. Said male stares absentmindedly at him as he awaits an answer. A deep air of intake and another sigh releases from his small mouth, shuffling within his seat to push himself up properly—the hand on his shoulder slowly cascading behind him to land effortlessly beside the owner.

“You know how it is. I’m busy.” He silently pities himself as he bluntly lets out his all-too-familiar excuse. He hears a sluggish, low hum from the male behind him and he softly bites the inside of his cheek as the breath he didn’t know he was holding in releases quietly from him. The hum of a reply didn’t even take a second, yet it felt delayed—almost hesitant—to him. He slightly leans forward, his elbows resting carefully on his desk as he clasps his hands together and gently rest his chin on-top of white knuckles. With his head looking downwards and his hat blocking above and both sides of him, he allows his eyes to close again for the second time unnoticeably by the other—lids tighter than before. He calms the sudden worry within his chest as he hears the familiar footsteps. Same loud tone as before, same slothful dragging. In a quick, and ungraceful drop upon the small couch, the snacking male lets out a pleasant groan as someone that’s been standing and walking all day without rest. It’s evident that he, too, seems to be just as exhausted as the one he came to visit. However, he always retained more carefree energy that can never be wavered.

“Yeah, yeah. I hear ya’..” His words glazy. One arm rests on the backseat of the couch as the other is lazily placed on his lap—the bag of chips being held within the hand left untouched but probably not forgotten—since he sat down. With legs spread slightly, one foot gently taps on the floor in an arrhythmic and dull way.

“Take a short break every now and then though...It’s not for them, but for you.” He insists as his head tilts back to glance at the slight change and speed of the flashing light from the monitor reflected on the dim-lit ceiling. The smaller male swivels within his chair from side to side, his knee hitting gently against the desk from underneath with a thud, almost reluctant to answer back. With sunken eyes and heavy shoulders, he decides to push through the odd feeling—his lips parting softly as he unawaringly sucks in a small and quiet breath. An echoing thud, not too loud, spreads within the room as the now-memorized footsteps make their way towards him. With a cackling, hand-sized items are dumped beside his keyboard. He jolts a little at the sudden appearance and sound, obviously distracting him from his earlier thoughts and attempt. Questioning silently how the other items were left unnoticed but the chip bag was so noisy. He hears the other walking back to the entrance, the small ring from earlier sounding to let him know the other has passed through the frame, but he was never alerted of the door being closed just yet.

“At least eat a little, okay?” He stalled his departure just to say that. And as the click of the door sounds, a long and nerving sigh is released. Still not fully relaxed, his eyes quickly glance to the items that were placed near him earlier. Sunbaek uyu, wrapped pure white milk steamed buns—already warm, he assumed by the already sweaty packaging—and samgak gimbap, triangle rice balls. He hesitantly picks up one of the steam buns and unwraps it, taking a big mouthful of it. His chest tightens a bit as warmth spreads.

_‘It must be from the bun…’_ He answers his dubious thoughts as he reminds himself how he hardly ate any food since he woke. The squeezing sensation within his chest appears subtly with each bite.

It really must be from the hot steamed bun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the angst was hurting me. I wanted a story that was full of fluff, so I decided to make my own. Here it is! I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I know this was super short, but please look forward to the next chapters! I write and update super slow, I hope you understand. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. A Strange Feeling and Everyday Commotion

With shaky bent knees, he does his best to catch up with some of the others—especially the members within the performance team. Aside of the shuffling of clothes, the thuds and squeaks of shoes, heavy groans and pants fill the dance studio. The agonizing expression on the others’ faces shows he’s not the only one aching all over. The areas they’ve stood at the most becoming small puddles of sweat beneath them—slippery floors was something they don’t need right now. When all movements stop to match the break within the song, a voice hurriedly exclaims: “10 minutes! We’ll stop right here!” From their impatient tone, it’s clear that they were also waiting to catch their breath. With content sighs and hoarse shouts, many drop to the floor—panting the exhaustion away. While some crouch on the ground and others walk around mindlessly with weak steps as hands rest on their hips—he decides to be the few that walk calmly towards a corner to carelessly sit and lean back against the mirrored wall. Knees bent upwards and elbows resting on-top of them, he looks up at the lights through tired eyes and does his best to take full breaths. Heavy lids close as a habit of trying to regain energy. Chatter through pants fade in and out in many directions of the room—the noise acting as an acceptable lullaby background sound. All the different tones of familiar voices reassure him in some way and as he dwells on the feeling, an out-of-place shout interrupts his attempt to doze off for even a few minutes. Eyes open slowly, the lights a blur. He lifts his head up with the help of the mirror behind him to push forward—staring at all the events right in front of him from the corner of the room.

“One! Side, side, right step then twirl..Two! Stop, thrust,thrust, eyes forward...Three! Left slide, hands coming up, look back.. And, okay!” They’ve barely called out break for everyone, yet they continue to practice. A hint of disappointment builds inside him as he watches the four of them. Thoughts of being like them come and go as their unnerved determination would make anyone envious. And this is one of those times where he thinks he should be striving to work harder like them. They continue for another minute or two before calling a break for themselves. Why they always tend to insist they push more than the others is something only they would understand. They stand with each other for a while, looking around while conversing. He gulps down a bit of water from his bottle as he continues to observe out of boredom. It gets tossed beside him carelessly after being capped.

“I think the steps near the end of the song will be a bit confusing for the others.” One assumes. Some heads nod in acknowledgment.

“Yeah, it took awhile for me to get it.I know you told us to have our arms stretched at a sixty angle, but I keep stretching it at a forty-five angle.” One admits and the others suddenly got the courage to speak up even more.

“And when I lift my leg up, it’s hard to remember to keep not just my whole leg but my ankle and foot straight to make a complete ninety degree.” Hums follow him as they softly agree with one another.  

“Well, we’ll figure out a way to make it easier to follow for the others and for us to practice better with more awareness. Maybe slowing it down for a while, doing it at half the speed and then doing it to the actual bpm of the song once everyone gets it down.” They sigh while thinking about how to better teach whatever they’re referring to. His eyes flash back and forth to each speaking person. With how they disperse to join the chatter amongst the other members right after their little meetup, it’s easy to tell how content they are with their progress and how they’re starting to think of a plan ahead of time. Dark irises land on the only individual that hasn’t budged after the in-the-middle-of-the-room conference has ended. His body leans forward as hands clutch his hips, a tense look dressing his features as he glances around at nothing. His languid lids droop a bit before opening wildly—blinking the dozing feeling away from his eyes. He notices his scrunched up nose and furrowing eyebrows—the gaping open mouth with the dry tongue slightly sticking out. His shoulders tense as he pushes the build up in his throat back down. Uncertain hands clasp cautiously around the bottle beside him. And with determined energy, his legs push himself up from the ground, still wobbly from the tortuous yet appreciated activity earlier. As he makes only a couple of steps away from his spot, the other turns his head to him with a peering glance. He immediately freezes. When small eyes light up and lips curve upwards, he tries to swallow the nerves away. Despite his unwavering neutral expression, he can feel panic rising within his body as the other heads towards him with a swift pace. His toes curl with every inch he’s closer.

“Ji—Woozi! You should use break time to rest like the others, I hope you’re not pushing yourself too hard. You always seem to do.” His warm voice lets out a chuckle as his worried words come out naturally. Jihoon didn’t miss that quick side glance Soonyoung made toward whatever was behind before looking back at him. He smoothly runs his fingers against the smaller boy’s as he easily snatches the water bottle away from his grasp. His fingers twitch slightly and itchiness spreads to his fingertips—he really wants to scratch them. The choreographer quickly passes Jihoon with the unchanging smile of his, the smaller boy has no choice but to turn his body around and follow the male back towards the direction he came from. Sitting back down beside Soonyoung, he watches in a daze as the other finishes the entire bottle with such ardent determination. As one of the sweatiest member, the taller male’s faint colored bangs are drenched. The salty body droplets falling from the strands like rain, some drip on the hard floor as others glide down puffy cheeks, following along an angled jawline and bobbing Adam’s apple to the slightly revealed pale neckline. Thumping rings within reddening ears.

_'What is with this feeling?!_ ’ He worriedly wonders. He’s known these guys for so long yet he somehow can’t seem to interact with them as openly and naturally as he’d like. He’s aware he isn’t that close to some of them as he’d like to be, but every year he’d hope the awkwardness would fade away more and more. However, he’s come to find that he’s only reminded of the self-conscious and high-strung feelings in the most confounding situations.

A refreshing sigh escapes the taller male as the opening of the bottle leaves his lips. Soonyoung quickly turns his head towards the other as he lightly taps his knee with the bottle, his radiant eyes seeming to scan him.

“There’s this new restaurant that’s become really popular. Let’s try it out.” His head tilts as he flashes a petulant grin. Feeling scrutinized under the stare, Jihoon chews at the inside of his cheek. One scrunched up eyebrow twitches as he analyzes each word. Not sure as to why he feels it has a hidden meaning, he does his best to not misunderstand.

“I mean after practice of course. I think it’ll be perfect for all of us to eat at some new place for dinner.” He twirls his fingers around as he hears the clarified answer to his silent question. Obviously it seems the others only have open ears when it comes to food.

“Yeah! I’m hungry already!” A deep voice yells from across the room. With that, roars of agreement follow and the male beside him moves around frantically.

“S.Coups has to pay since he's leader!” Soonyoung insists and the others are quick to agree. The stuttering leader shouts at them, saying it's unfair and the dancing leader pushes it further.

“You were supposed to pay last time but Mingyu did instead!” The choreographer hollers, using his hands to narrow his voice to resonate louder within the room. The tallest member joins within the chaos by continuously trying to guilt the leader. The starter of the hectic conversation only chuckles freely, his bright grin turning into a mischievous smirk. Jihoon only stares with an unblinking gaze—unidentifiable sensations fluttering about in his stomach.

A howl is let loose from the currently tormented S.coups. With quick senses, whipping his head towards the direction of the poor leader, Jihoon sees the others jokingly piling on top of him while their ‘thanks’ and ‘you’re the best leader!’ echo within the practice room—he couldn't help but let out a giggle by the result of his sitting partner's antics. The other follows and chuckles, once again, along with him. He slightly tenses and takes a quick peek back at the older male next to him, gaping. The boy could’ve sworn he saw an array of strings of notes and colors around the radiating male beside him. He quickly closes his mouth and presses a clenched fist against his chest.

There it is, that feeling again. He narrows his eyes to the floor as he tries to fight it away. There was no reason to feel like this anyways and it bothers him. It’s always and only during those confusing times. This must be one of them.

Only in the most confounding situations indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh...I bet this one was kinda boring uwu  
> Chapter 1 was super short and this is also still kinda short, so sorry about both a boring and another short chapter...haha
> 
> Well, anyways.I hope you enjoyed reading and I hope you stick around? ; u ; They'll definitely be more chapters! (tbh I have a lot of chapters written but I'm just rereading and fixing some stuff and trying to get further into the story so no one waits way too long)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Delivered Worries Packaged in Convenient Items

He eyed the door handle with an inscrutable expression. When his calloused hand wraps around it, it feels almost icy—no one’s probably visited enough to let it get this cold, or perhaps it’s because the heater hasn’t been on for a couple of days. Still, he can’t help but pout at the former thought. Deciding it’s best to not stall, he pulls down on the handle and pushes forward against the thing lightly—the door following his body with ease. With light steps, he slowly makes is way within the always dim-lit room. Just as he thought—and what the others have been saying—he sees the smaller boy’s slumped form on top of the desk, the monitor flickering every few seconds.

‘ _Of course he’d still be in here at this time…_ ’ He confirms, huffing silently to himself. No part of the building creaks, but he still tip-toes his way further into the room just in case. He’s aware he might’ve been too loud during his last visit and probably caused a small headache to the younger—he most likely was in the process of falling asleep as well—so he’d rather avoid waking him up this time. He takes a careful peek at the sleeping boy with a hunched back, as if trying to play out the role of a spy. Staring right at the boy’s face, he takes the moment to regard the sleeping form—arms plopped on top of the desk with a pinchable pale cheek buried within, his lips slightly parted. As he hunches forward even more to lean closer to the boy, the sound of crumpling wrappers unexpectedly resounds from between his arm and chest—he immediately stops and stares at the boy’s pale face with bug eyes. The younger male shifts slightly within his chair and murmurs softly—Soonyoung’s breath hitches and with a deep inhale, holds every bit of air in. His entire figure is tensed with the undeniably nerve-wracking silence, but his shoulders quickly slouch with the release of his breath as the sleeping boy makes no other sudden movements after moments of waiting.

“So tired...You really do need to take care of yourself, Jihoon…” He whispers softly at him, his lips curving into a small doting smile as he outlines the fallen dark strands tickling thin eyelids. And with swift, yet very careful movements, he places the carried items beside the younger boy. He was quick to leave right after, afraid of almost disturbing him like earlier.

….

A loud tone reaches his ears a few hours after the visit he never knew about. Grumbling to himself, he lifts his head from the not-so-comfortable of a pillow he made for himself with his arms. He moves his head side to side, cracking them from the knotted tension. He stretches his legs and arms as his mouth opens to let out a loud yawn. With another grumble and scratch of the head, he scowls at the source of the sound once it rings again—his phone. Grabbing it with vicious movements, he checks only the notification from the lock-screen, not even remotely curious of the whole context. His tongue clicks as he glowers at the five-o’clock-in-the-morning-reminder from one of the company’s staff members he usually converses with.

‘ _I know already when I need to meet up with them. Didn’t have to tell me again, it’s not like I’d forget.._ ’ Jihoon muses to himself. As he sets his phone back down, a small pile of cluttered objects catches his attention. Turning his focus onto them, he realizes they’re convenient store foods. One of the dosirak lunch boxes, honey butter chips, the familiar white milk buns and cola. He curiously ogles at them, scanning every inch of each item as if they’re something to be cautious about. His stare lingers at the steamed buns and his front teeth nervously pinches at his bottom lip gently. It’s only natural for the boys to wordlessly give each other food and sometimes hand-feed each other out of their own care for every single member, but he can only feel slight jitters at his unknown thoughts. Why can’t he ever truly know what his own mind seems to wander off to recently? Almost as if his own mind stops him from understanding himself. All he can go by is the many unidentifiable gut feelings and it only makes him anxious about everything. Jihoon shakes the thoughts and feelings away and grabs at one of the items. He takes a deep breath. Taking a familiar item in his hand and unwrapping it to devour the thing—the sensation from last time coming back and out of everything he’s been feeling, this is the one sensation he’d be fine experiencing time and time again despite not having any ideas as to why the almost pleasantness from it.

When the warmth squeezes tight within his chest, he finds he doesn’t mind this at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried doing a chapter with those like, sleeping character moments or something like that.  
> Yeah...haha...I tried...
> 
> And it's probably the shortest chapter? Sorry about that...; ^ ;
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. It's The Moon's Smile

With hoots and shouts, they have finally announced the finishing of this album’s promos—for now. Though they are sure that their schedules will be jam-packed again sometime soon, they choose to dwell on their short week-or-two break. While many were jumping for joy, it was clear that not everyone felt that way. The ones that seemed to not withhold as much energy sat about on the couches within the waiting room—groaning and sighing out of relief. It was much better to wait for the others to calm down since they know some of them would like to plan what to do for every second of their mini-vacation. With the holler from their leader, the ecstatic member’s incoherent conversations died down and they all gathered either on or around the couch—allowing the leader to make his way through them to sit cozily between two of them on the sofa.

“Good job, guys. We did it!” With the praise from their leader, the happy shouts leave their throats once more before quieting to allow him to talk some more.

“I’m thankful that everyone was healthy and able to do the promos for our album this time and I’m proud of how hard we all worked. We finally finished all our photo-shoots and interviews and performances for now.” Everyone clapped and praised each other—’Good Jobs’ and ‘We did it’ being spoken throughout the room as they looked around at each other with plastered smiles placed on their faces.

“Soo...We all get a break! I don’t know what you guys want to do for our small vacation or…?” He quizzically glances around at each member as he questions them for any ideas. No one really seemed to have a clue on what to do either so they all wore the same puzzled expressions. That was until Jun decided to speak up.

“Well, we could do our own individual planning. Maybe some of us would like to take a few of the members out to a different city or something.” The members released a hum from their worn out voices.

“Why not just all gather at a vacation home or something instead? I know some other members—ahem, Jeonghan, Wonwoo and Woozi—would like to just stay home and sleep all day while everyone else is out. But, I think we should all do something together as well.” Seungkwan questioned and the others nodded in acknowledgment; Soonyoung taking a quick peek at Jihoon during the mention of the smaller one’s name as all three called-out members ‘tsked’ at the comment. Seungcheol glanced back and forth between Jun and Seungkwan as he puckered his lips to the side—thinking what the best choice would be.

“We can follow Jun’s idea. Everyone can do their own thing for a while and for the last few days, we could all go and rent a vacation house or something.” The others nodded at that as well, deciding that was probably a better option. That and the fact they really couldn't muster anymore energy to go against what anything at this point. No one likes to be dragged around everywhere when they’re tired, so a good rest is needed, especially for the members that don’t like going out as much. And they all still value being around each other and enjoying activities friends their age would do normally from time to time. So, it seemed like a good call for all of them.  

….

That’s how they got to where they’re at—a beach house away from crowds with all the members sitting on the sand, gathered around a campfire consisting of crumpled old papers and various sized logs and twigs while playing charades in the middle of the night. Of course, they were split into their units but one chosen member from each unit had a chance to say—or scream, literally—their answer for their team to get a point when it wasn’t their turn. Soonyoung was standing with bent knees, his elbows to his side as his fists were parallel from each other in front of him. His lips puckered as his shoes slid across the sandy shores with one foot after another, his head bobbing back and forth as he made whistling sounds. Some of the members gazed at him questionably with their heads tilted, noses scrunched up and eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Some of the others were jumping about and pointing at him while stuttering their answers or hints aloud and the rest seemed to be hugging themselves tightly as they try not to double-over from their laughter.

It was chaotic, the way a huge group of friends doing any sort of activity that involved just them should be like. Every wrong answer a member yelled out, Soonyoung ignored. He looked between each member, searching for them to either get a clue or get a hold of themselves. When his eyes glazed over at Jihoon, he practically beamed, he saw a sight that’s been rare to see these days. The younger boy was with the rest of the others that seemed to have some sort of laughing disease. His knees on the ground as he clutches his side with one hand and wrap his other arm around his stomach—swaying from side to side and using one foot firmly planted on the ground to push himself up, or at least attempting to, only to lean forward once more and land back on his knees at the sight of Soonyoung. The choreographer had stopped in his tracks to lift one of his elbows upwards to face the side as he releases shushing sounds with his mouth and place the elbow back to his side as he starts chugging away again. If anyone would have guessed, it was probably the face and sounds he was making more than the imitation of what he’s trying to show or describe to the others.

“Oh I got it! Uh, a train. It’s a train!” Seungkwan yells out. His feet lifting up and down from the sandy ground as he wildly points at Soonyoung and glance around at everyone, looking for approval of some sort. Soonyoung quickly points back at him and nods excitedly. The others—who aren’t already on the ground—fall flat on their knees and legs as they complain and signal towards the crazy performer as if they all agreed his actions were nowhere near close to the answer itself.

“What?! Haha, that wasn’t a train at all! No, really, what was that?!” Jihoon tries to say out loud through his disease-ridden fit, still clutching his sides and trying to catch his breath, his laugh mixing with some of the others. With that sight, Soonyoung’s eyes flicker with a small gleam and he bashfully rubs the back of his head, a sheepish smile adorning his puffy face as he lets out a soft chuckle. Yet, despite his apologetic words and bow of the head as a way to say sorry for his poor attempts, his eyes still lingered over at the smaller boy with a sense of pride and delight reflecting into them— unnoticed in the dim moonlight.

When the laughing finally died down, everyone decided to go off on their own and run around the shorelines. Hansol, Seungcheol and Mingyu decide to splash around in the cold ocean water—waves crashing only below their knees as they run in circles chasing each other and scooping up the salty sea into their cupped hands before tossing it to whomever was in their way. Wonwoo and Jun insisted on creating a mansion out of the fine particles their feet sunk into just a bit away from the water. It wasn’t a surprise to find Joshua and Jeonghan still hanging around the faint fire. Jeonghan with his legs stretched out and his arms being used as pillows for his head and eyes already closed, and Joshua just sitting about only a few feet away from him with a knee bent and an arm draped over to rest on it with book in hand. Seungkwan, Minghao, Chan and Dokyeom walking side by side, jogging away from each other every now and then to elicit a chase game of tag with the other two following just a bit far from them, but close enough to hear them squabbling about.

“I honestly didn’t know what it was. At first, I thought perhaps you may have been an animal. Though as soon as you starting lifting your elbow up and making that shushing noise, I automatically thought you were trying to describe a specific idiom or joke.” Short fringes sway from side to side, brushing softly against his smooth forehead as he shakes his head. He chuckles lightly as his feet makes small steps to slow his pace down. The taller figure beside him chuckles along as he, too, slows his pace.

“I was trying to imitate the opening of the train doors! That shushing noise you’re talking about is supposed to be the hissing sound of the train! Ya’ know, when all that steam comes out from the top as it breaks and the train conductor or something signals for everyone to ‘all aboard!’ Like, I don’t know. What you see in movies and such?” He waves his arms around dramatically as he emphasises most of his words. He stares at the boy with a raised eyebrow and slightly opened lips slanting towards one side, giving him a look as if it was ‘the most obvious thing’ in the world. His hair in a disheveled mess from the earlier activities with the members. The reason most likely being his attempt on imitating a hardcore metal guitarist before the whole train commotion. The other laughs just slightly louder than before as he witnesses the taller male’s crazed flailing. It’s a sight he’s seen multiple times this night and it always seems to have the same effect on him every time, maybe even stronger each time. His shoulders slump and his arm falls to the side as he—once again—rubs the back of his head in embarrassment with the other, his hand sliding down to his neck and resting there. A twinkle in his eye as he takes in the laughing boy’s face. As if it’s something unusual—because it is. As if it’s the first time he’s seeing it.

“Yeah, yeah!” Jihoon wipes the tear from one of his eyes while holding his stomach, letting a sigh release from his lips after he’s calmed down. He stares ahead with a small smile, something that’s also rarely seen these days, curving its way into his rounded features. The choreographer takes the chance to just gaze for a while and implant the image in his head, just for a little bit.

“Ahh! I’m so hungry!” Soonyoung says out loud all of a sudden. It’s no surprise when he quickly digs around the pockets of his jackets to pull out bags of snacks and candy. With swift hands, he easily opens one of the candy bars and starts snacking on it. There was no need to even look at him to know he was eating. Jihoon only shakes his head as his smile maintains on his face.

“Those four over there...It’s shocking how much energy they have even after everything. I already feel sort of tired from all that laughing.” He raises his arms up towards the sky as he lets out a little grunt when he arches his back. After the nice little stretch, he intertwines his fingers together as he hides his hands behind his back. The sounds of said four’s laughter and screams fade in and out as the waves crash against the shore. Jihoon twitches a little bit and folds his arms, tucking his hands between as a slight shiver runs down his spine. He was cold.

“Ahh, you’re already that tired? Haha, what about I give you a lift then?” Soonyoung chuckles softly as he turns his tilted head towards Jihoon with a beaming smile, using his thumb to point at his shoulder. Puzzled, Jihoon can only stare back at him with a raised eyebrow and a doubtful look. When his eyes follow Soonyoung’s thumb, his lips part and he blinks before letting out a chortle.

“You serious? Isn’t that kind of...I don’t know, weird? We’re grown guys now after-all. Besides, I’m sure I’ll make it far. I stay up for most of my nights anyways. Being this tired is nothing compared to what I have to endure in my little workroom.” He rolls his narrow eyes as his sarcastic tone leaks out from his smirking mouth. The whole 'grown guys’ thing probably wouldn't faze the older, many of the members do it from time to time anyways.

The corners of his lips drop when he looks back at the older male. The choreographer's face almost looked pained with his droopy eyelids and his thinly pressed lips. His usually puffy cheeks no longer resembled that of a hamster’s. Jihoon clenches his teeth lightly as his glossy eyes look directly at Soonyoung’s brooding ones. His chest squeezes at what he sees. Maybe he was wrong to think that.

“I keep telling you to take care of yourself. That also means actually sleeping instead of just _‘resting’_ your eyes”. Soonyoung emphasises on the word resting as he elongates it, his tone low yet somehow still louder when compared to the rest of the sentence, his eyes squinting even more as if trying to glower at the idea or the thought itself after the words have touched the cool night air. So that was it, it was the other thing he was worried about. Jihoon swallows back the faint feeling in his throat. He wants to say something, wants to assure the man that he’s perfectly fine. But he can’t, because he knows that’s a lie and despite having told lies—especially in this kind of situation—it’s never held him back. But, this does. For some reason, it just does.

“If that’s truly the case, you should’ve just stayed back at the beach house in your room, napping or something.” He looks away from the smaller male and stares at the ground with a black expression. After releasing a disappointed sigh—which almost made Jihoon flinch—he runs his hand through his hair. Fade brown bangs lifting from his forehead to be pushed back only to fall over his eyes, more messy than ever.

“Ho-...Soonyoung…” He corrects himself, the name almost catching in his throat like it's a foreign phrase. There's no more cameras around. No need to call the members by their stage names anymore. He keeps forgetting that. Most of his daily life is being filmed, either in interviews, reality shows or selfie-cams the members have decided to do. So, it’s hard to break the habit of being too cautious, of being too careful. Of what? He wouldn’t know. He’s aware some fans only know some of the members by their stage names, but he’s also sure majority of them know everyone’s full names already by now. So, why? Why was he so careful and so hesitant to say everyone’s real names? Why was he so tensed whenever anyone says his own name? He wasn't really like that before when they all started out.

He shakes the thoughts away because he knows he has more to say, he has to say something. And so, he does. “Don’t worry, I can really handle that kind of stuff. I'm supposed to be used to—…!” His wrist was snatched from the warm comforts of its tucked position before he can even finish his sentence. His arms no longer folded because one of them, the one with his wrist currently trapped within the older males’ hand, was being pulled towards the body next him, pulling them closer together.

“But, I do worry. And I always will. Being _used to_ something doesn't make it any better, especially if it's not meant to be _good_ for you in the first place. So let me just carry you around or something for the rest of the night at least, if you’re just going to be stubborn. At least let me do that for you so your body can rest a bit in some way.” His concerned eyes seem to stare too intensely down at the ravenette and he could only gape at the slightly low plead. It seemed like Soonyoung wanted to keep his worries to himself earlier but chose to let it aloud, coherent to the boy’s ears. Wide-eyed, Jihoon can only nod ever so slightly. But, that seemed to be enough to let the tensed older male relax.

“Okay…”He practically whispers. With his confirmation, Soonyoung is already in front of him with his body leaning forward just a bit. He’s aware what the man is asking of him and so he grips the brunette’s shoulders, hesitating for a bit before jumping up on the male’s back. Soonyoung bends his knees a bit more then pushes his hips back before bringing them up. His hips popping quick and sharp circular movements, the motion forcing the smaller boy’s body to jump up to slide further upwards before nesting perfectly on his back. He was aware the brunette was capable of carrying most of the members with ease and to perfectly hoist them up on his back—as he’s seen before when Joshua jumped on him during their Idol Arcade filming and with no hands—he did it so easily back then, but it felt like he weighed nothing to this man compared to the other members. And it was true, he most likely was way lighter than them. He sure was shorter than them and maybe staying locked in his studio made him lose a bit of weight. So the idea of being lighter was no surprise. What manages to surprise him every time though, was how Soonyoung was able to do these types of things so effortlessly and carefree like it was either natural or no bother to him at all—and with anyone. It really makes one wonder the amount of physical activities he's done to accomplish this. Jihoon presses his legs against Soonyoung’s sides for better security. He wasn’t going to wrap his legs around him, there was no need to and it certainly would’ve made things more awkward and uncomfortable for him.

“Is this alright? You comfortable?” Soonyoung asks softly, trying to look behind him. Jihoon can only muster a very quiet “mhm” and a light nod, which he was pretty sure Soonyoung saw despite the angle. He bucks the boy up to make sure he really is secure and  starts walking again at his own normal pace.

Jihoon figured he should listen to Soonyoung about resting more while being carried after he noticed the tension within his neck from his slightly hunched back within the position he's currently in. He gently rests his chin against the choreographer's shoulder, lightly pressing the side of his face between the other’s cheek and neck. Pink dusted the younger boy's own cheeks and despite the hard-to-see angle, he was sure the other might've been able to see it. He does his best to hide his face against the warm shoulder. The elder makes a quick glance from the side at the smaller boy with wide eyes. Within the chilly moment, the sudden physical affection—almost stopping his breath—warmed him up a bit. His lips curled into a tender smile when he became overwhelmed with warmth, even if it was just a cheek-to-cheek touch, it was nice.

“I noticed the moon has been shining brightly tonight.” The ever-so-energetic brunette says in that usual bright tone of his. It would come to no surprise if anyone found out Jihoon would read from time to time. Just like Wonwoo or Joshua, whenever he's bored—wanting to take a small breather or just so happened to be inspired and interested—he'd want to read up on things that caught his attention. He's read a few share of foreign novels and literature. He’s aware Soonyoung took Japanese classes while still in school, so the taller was somewhat one of the more fluent speakers. But, he more than likely wasn't the type to be interested in any kind of deep literature and poetry fairytale or charm. Still, the comment caught him off guard. Maybe that’s not it at all and it's just a simple, ordinary comment. Or maybe he was playing around with word play, like how he usually does and just wants to ruffle the boy up a bit. But, the possibility of it being what he thinks it is and him actually meaning it makes Jihoon feel somewhat queasy with that _damned_ fluttering feeling.

The dusty pink that stained his cheeks was now a prominent red. He was thankful for the palely moonlight, hiding his color within the cold dark. Though the chilled air cooled him earlier, his body was now very much heated from his earlier attempts of hiding. He wasn't sure if it was because he was feeling flustered or if it's because Soonyoung felt like a natural furnace. He was quick to lean more towards the latter, wanting to deny he even felt embarrassed and wanting to forget any pointless thoughts that whirred around his head—that, and the fact Soonyoung was pretty much someone who sweats excessively which might mean he's generally just a warmer body. Maybe he really was just that warm and Jihoon was just that cold.

Yeah, it was probably Soonyoung’s natural body warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is finally a somewhat longer chapter haha uwu
> 
> I still am in the progress of writing and editing the other chapters, and I'm also preparing myself for my camping trip so it might be awhile until I upload again since every time I upload, it gets closer to my unfinished chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	5. I Saw You Sleeping and—Where's This Going?

He sat up from his futon, hair frizzing out in many places, bangs annoyingly sticking to his somewhat sweaty—or maybe oily from lack of facial skin care this week—forehead. He shakes his head in hopes it’ll cause the strands to unstick from his skin, which proved to work when he stopped and they effortlessly flew up from him blowing on them. He turned his head towards the window—which wasn’t a good idea because the curtains were slightly drawn back—and squinted his eyes as he grunts in irritation. It was too bright and his eyes stung as a consequence from his horrible decision. He reaches up to rub the stinging and groggy feeling from them with the back of his hands and casually looks around for signs of the other members. Of course they’re all up and about before he’s risen himself. The night air proved to have snuck in during late sleeping hours when the cool breeze swept passed him from the one-paned window. With a click of his tongue, he begrudgingly gets up from underneath the warm comforter and drags his feet out of the room to the kitchen where beloved freshly brew coffee was waiting for him.

“Ah, Woozi! I see you’re finally up” One of the members says as he beams at him. He was stirring a cup of—probably not coffee it seems like, since he’s already always energetic and he’d probably get some later—most likely tea or hot chocolate before drinking it. Jihoon responds with a groan, he yawns and rubs his eyes once more after.

“Uh, yeah...Good morning, Dokyeom…” He manages to monotonously mutter out to the younger male, his attempt of a morning small conversation earned him a nod from the bright brunette. Jihoon takes out a rather big mug from the cupboard and pours himself some coffee. He only adds just a bit of creamer before stirring the cup lazily.

“The others all decided to go out today. S.Coups, Jeonghan, Joshua, Wonwoo,and Mingyu have already left. The others are waiting for me, so we’ll be leaving in a bit. Do you want to come with us?” Dokyeom asks as he makes a glance towards the older boy. The others usually loved going around to places, touring was something rather enjoyable when done at your own pace, your own time, and given your own options of where to go. As much as going out with them sounded great—since he really did need the long awaited break to get some fresh air—he can only think about the scattered and unfinished papers he had on top of his computer desk back in Seoul before packing up and coming here. He realizes that being inside most of the time has more than likely shyed him away from socializing with the others and going outside more than before. More than likely, he’ll probably be a bore or a third or fourth wheeler to begin with—having always felt like that in most situations back then even before their debut. He lightly tightens the grip on his coffee mug as his eyes narrow down at the riffling hot liquid. He lets out a sigh and hopes the other hasn’t noticed the wistfulness of it.

“I’m good. I think I’d rather just stay here and probably watch reruns or do a solo movie marathon.” He quietly replies. Dokyeom lets out a long and low ‘ah’ as he stares intently at the table. The silence picking up the slight worry and disappointment from both males as the awkwardness starts to overwhelm the environment. The atmosphere feels too heavy and Jihoon bites down gently on the inside of his cheek as he tries to come up with a way to reassure the younger. The usual ‘I don’t like going out anyways’ tactic was almost a breath away, but then he suddenly remembers the tight-lipped and dark eyed expression of some other male from a few days ago—the words lingered on the tip of his lips and he sighs once again.

“A-Actually, Dokyeom...I haven’t been getting much sleep during our promo for the new song. I started working ahead and already began coming up with new song concepts for our album and it kind of kept me awake and tired me most days and nights…But, I really want to continue working so...I said all that other stuff before because I—uh—didn’t want you to worry, I guess...” He utters his confession almost shamefully. A tinge of a pinching feeling pulls within his chest as he reminds himself how much he hated letting the others know about him and his work situation. He doesn’t need them to worry too much or feel any guilt, otherwise he’s the one that will feel more guilty than any of them—he didn’t want to feel like before when they were about to debut.

‘ _Because their fate will always rest on me and my songs.._ ’ He reminds himself of that, too. Dokyeom only nods at him as he smiles his condolences at him. He places a hand on the older male’s shoulder and gives it a soft squeeze before retracting it and walking away slowly.

“I understand. Then, please get some more rest first and then you can work. While the others are out, we’ll bring you some food or some items if you’d like.” He replaces the pitiful smile with a more fond and reassuring one. Jihoon can’t help himself but smile back—it felt nice having friends like him. With that, Dokyeom exits the house and rides away with the others in the second van. And Jihoon makes his way back into the room he was just in with cup in hand to dig around for his laptop. As much as he’d like to do nothing but sleep and relax, he can’t help but feel the need to finish at least a couple of the already started song beats after reminding himself of their careers. It was great the beach house had a study room that no one seemed to enter since their arrival. It’ll be his work studio for now.

As he opens the door, it creaks slightly. Jihoon wouldn’t care otherwise since no one was around which meant no one could be sleeping, busy or anything of that like—or so he thought. He heard a groan and he automatically froze in place. With quick eyes, he scans the room and it wasn’t hard to spot the figure stirring around in place on top of the small couch of the study. From what he can see, only the person’s limbs was splayed out from underneath the covers. He dare not walk any further in fear the wooden floor would creak as well and just as loud as the door. No one else but him could be in this house, right? After-all, this place is a bit far from the city itself and everyone else has left from what Dokyeom has said. So, who could possibly still be here? The body moved around a lot and the blanket that was only covering the person’s head and torso was pulled down by the shifting movement. A tuft of sloppy, faded brown hair was seen ever so slightly and Jihoon recognizes the straight faint strands immediately—his heart stops for only a second.

“S-Soonyoung…?” He quietly whispers at him. If the man was awake, he’ll answer him. There was no point in speaking out too loudly if the male was still asleep and in which case, he’d rather not wake him up. That and he was cautious of something else. So, whispering was the way to go. Another groan came about, limbs now stretching and sticking out from the too-small-of-a-couch. Soonyoung mutters something incoherently for a bit in a sleep-drunken voice. When his movements stop, he pulls the blanket off from his face to gaze at Jihoon with his half-lidded and lazy eyes.

“Ah...Jihoon…?” He lets out in a hazy tone as he tries to scrub away the eye boogers and dozy feeling from his slanted slits. Jihoon tenses at the mention of his real name. He makes a quick peek around the room, eyes darting in every nook and corner within his vision—it was safe. His shoulders slump and he lets out a quiet sigh. His attention is brought back to the older male.

“Why are you here? Dokyeom said everyone had plans to go out and tour today. I thought maybe you were with the members waiting for him in the van since you usually leave with Seungkwan, Vernon, Dino and him most of the time.” He tilts his head to the side with that same inexpressive stare he always seems to have. Soonyoung blinks at him as he tries to collect his thoughts—it’s clear he’s still in the process of remembering where he’s at by the way his small eyes constantly narrow around the room with what looks to be the intention of deciphering his surroundings. After a small pause, he blinks once more at absolutely nothing and his eyes widen a bit with realization—everything finally clicks in his mind.

“Ah...I was actually supposed to go with Seungcheol’s group but I told them I wasn’t feeling that well, so they told me to stay.” He continues to stare at nothing with vacant eyes as he props himself up on his elbows. Jihoon’s eye twitches at the olders’ reply, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Not feeling well? Felt sick this morning or something?” He questions the older male—arms crossed and an unchanging face. The choreographer definitely looked fine from where Jihoon was standing, aside from that sleepy face of his.

Tilting his head, he looks up towards Jihoon from his position and his lips curve upwards as he fully registers the boy’s face. “Haha, no. I just wanted more sleep, so I hid myself in here before the other group could spot me and guilt trip me to join them. Dokyeom saw me but I told him the same excuse as I said to the other’s. And he believed me! I'm glad it was him and not one of the other younger members. I escaped paying everything for either of the groups!” A delighted hum following that carefree chuckle of his, and Jihoon only rolls his eyes at his response. _Of course he’d do something like that._

“Hmm~ What about you, Jihoonie? Why are you still here if the others have left?” His eyes blink humorously at him with that jovial smile. The male properly sitting up with elbows up on his knees and his full cheeks squished between the loosely clenched fingers and palms of his hands. The smaller boy stayed neutral as ever.

“You know already I don’t really like going outside.” Jihoon states matter-of-factly—sounding like a tired parent rejecting their child’s request for candy for what would be the nth time. The older hums at him pleasantly as his eyes crinkle up when his smile widens.

“Still, don’t you think it’d good for your mind to go out every once and awhile? Your lungs get fresh air, your thoughts get cleared and it makes everything feel less heavy. It’s not like the sun would damage that white skin of yours anyways.Trust me,it wouldn’t hurt at all. I know how _much_ you care for your skin.” The brunette wiggles his eyebrows as his playful voice fills the room—obviously joking about the smaller male’s skin concerns—or lack thereof.

“If it _is_ your skin you’re so worried about, relax! You always keep that same fair complex anyways, since you never seem to get sunburnt even on the hottest days when we _have to_ go out.” He teases the shorter boy a bit while trying to persuade him the possible, positive influences the outside may have towards oneself. The smaller only huffs at him as his eyes furrow downwards, not taking a liking to his words and tone.

“Even if I _wanted_ to go out, I can’t. I still have to finish the album. We would still have more things to do once we get back. One song wouldn’t satisfy anymore once its been out for awhile, so I should have the other songs done in advance.” He disregards the skin comment, voice sounding somewhat smaller and bitter than usual. That’s when the other’s cheerful face falters. Small slits now widening before narrowing into a tiger gaze—that merry smile now a thin line and his forehead creases as his eyebrows furrow. He stares at the boy with what seems to be a mix of worry and disappointment, quick to dismiss the slight hint of whining in the younger’s voice when he was talking.

“Jihoon...You always do this. Can’t you just give yourself an actual break, just this once? I—ugh, I’m starting to repeat myself over and over to you. You know that, right?” Soonyoung slaps his palm against his forehead, somewhat covering his eyes as his hand lingers on his face—tilting his head back in frustration. Gone was that joyous tone and in its place, strain and stress. Jihoon averts his eyes to whatever was on the right side of him, not wanting to face the man and feeling anxious. His chest tightens with shame and guilt, the pit of his stomach fluttering with the slither of what also seems to be giddy. That sensation quickly washes the boy’s thoughts with uneasiness and wonder. He licks his lips as he tries to find his voice again, throat seemingly dry.

“I know...I just—no matter what, I feel ashamed when I decide to take a break. It’s like my mind and heart is telling my body it can’t. I don’t feel good when I relax and ‘ _take a break’_ , Soonyoung. I feel _worse_ than I would’ve been during those sleepless nights, okay? I actually end up feeling sick.” His arm hugging his laptop as in attempt to hide himself as he clenches the coffee cup tightly. He always feels smaller whenever he’s cornered to let out his frustrations by anyone—and he feels small like that now. But, he isn’t being pressured or cornered by the older member here—in fact, he’s choosing, for God knows why, to lay it out on the line all his worries despite his habit of hiding it all in. Usually he would act like he’s paying no mind to anyone’s lectures and nagging and would use a cover-up. But, for whatever reason, Soonyoung’s face—his eyes, his voice—makes him want to say it all.

“Alright...I’ll lessen my attempts then. If taking a break and relaxing really isn’t helping you that much, then okay. I don’t want you to feel worse, I just want you to feel your workload and mind is lighter so you don’t break down or something.” Soonyoung only lets out a sigh as he leans his back against the arm of the couch—an arm draped over his knees as he brings up a hand to comb through his faint brown hair.

“But, I won’t stop telling you to take care of yourself, like eating or sleeping when you should be. And I’d still remind you to at least get some fresh air every now and then, okay?” He eyes Jihoon with a small and teasing smirk. Jihoon’s arm slides down as his shoulders slouch with relief, responding with a soft smile.

“Okay.” His small voice lets out. And with that, the taller male quickly jumps out from his seat with a shout—trying to lift the mood up, change the atmosphere of the room.

“Let me help you out then, since I just know you’re going to work today with everyone gone. I don’t know how to write beats, but maybe I can give you some helpful opinions. Oh, and maybe help with the lyrics as well~” He sing-songs, arching his back as he stretches an arm up—pulling it to one side and then switching around to do it to the other arm, only towards the other side. Jihoon panders a bit at that, blinking towards the older male before finally making his decision.

“Fine. But, don’t whine if I don’t like any of your ideas or something.” And the older male hoots before excitedly dancing his way out to eat and wash himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile, hasn't it?  
> Sorry, a lot of things have happened. And I haven't been getting much motivation to write during a certain time period...
> 
> But don't worry! To make up for it, I've written more than one chapter since my last update (also fixed and rewritten some of the ones I already had finished, I've talked about it in the end notes of the last chapter) and I'll be uploading all the ones I've finished! 
> 
> Also, I think I might post my story in Carat Amino as well? I don't know, what do you think? And if you'd like to know my Carat Amino ID, it's Kemu~
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. A Tedious Job and An Annoying Distraction

Aside from the rapid tapping and every-now-and-then clicking, the room was covered in an overwhelming silence. Dark irises squint and roam over the lit-up screen with clear determination. His figure hunched over in his seat, obviously lost in his own little world. The person beside him can only watch with uncertainty and hesitation—fiddling with his calloused thumbs and parting then pressing his lips together every so often as he scans the curled up silhouette. 

“Hey...Jihoon, you know I did say I would help you earlier and you totally accepted it. So...Isn’t there anything I can do? You’re just mindlessly typing and clicking away, trying to re-adjust the same part—which doesn’t need fixing, might I add—over and over again.” He practically whines at him. The male has been doing nothing but sitting on the couch and watching the other for what felt like an hour, only peeking at the flickering screen once in a while. Never bothering to say anything after considering the other male would speak up and ask whenever he needed the help, but he’s become impatient and even slightly concerned. The other male huffs before straightening his back and turning his head to face him. 

“But, this part just doesn’t feel right. It’s lacking something, I just know it…” He trails off as he looks back at the screen, almost glaring at it as if it offended him in any way. Soonyoung can only shake his head and put his face within the palm of his hand. He leans forward—moving closer to the other—and clicks his tongue. 

“I already said it didn’t need fixing. I’m sure it really is fine and you’re probably just overthinking things right now. Kind of like how you take a test and you instinctively go to check a box or write whatever comes to mind only to stop yourself and second guess your answer. That’s what you’re doing, Jihoon. Or at least that’s what it looks like. Trust me on this and move on?” His hands raise up a little bit, almost in a shrugging gesture, palms open for the shorter male as an act of reassurance. 

“Okay, okay. Fine. I guess I’ll just start on the melody and lyrics before coming back to this then.” Groaning, he leans back in the wooden seat and lets his legs stretch from underneath the desk. Soonyoung relaxes after convincing the younger male and decides to bring over a notebook and pen for the boy. He gets up from his seat and leaves the room into another to grab the items then comes back and pulls up another chair to sit next to the boy, setting the items on top of the desk. 

“And  _ that _ is something I may be able to help with.” He smiles at the thought and the aura of radiance around him shows his absolute excitement for something that may be daunting and tedious to others. He hardly writes lyrics so his overall eagerness comes from the pleasure of doing and completing a challenge. Jihoon scoffs at the overwhelming exhileration that’s streaming off from the other male and picks up the pen, choosing not to say anything about Soonyoung being of any help to him. 

“The concept I had in mind for this song is an untold confession.” He taps the pen against the desk to an unknown melody as he stares at the paper lines—trying to find words that fit. Soonyoung blinks at him and hums. 

“Untold confession? Heh, poetic sounding...But, isn’t that description kind of vague? There must be some kind of situation or something that would connect to the lyrics where the others could understand it well. I know you’ll probably ask the hip-hop team to participate in some of the lyric writing once you get the general outline done, as you usually do.” He squints one eye as an eyebrow raises—one corner of his lips slightly moves up, causing the cheek on that side to be slightly puffier than the other. He scratches his ear as he peers over at the other boy’s face in confusion. 

“Hmm. Let’s make up a story then. Say there’s this person you’ll never see again, probably moving elsewhere.” Soonyong’s eyes light up and he leans back into the chair, moving his arm up to stretch and rest on the backseat. 

“Ahh, so they’re like some sort of childhood friend that you’ve grown to have feelings for throughout your time together then. And the moving away bit is basically what gets you to want to spill your heart out. That kind of untold confession.” Jihoon nods and starts scribbling wiggly lined drawings within the top corner of the paper—trying to get his hand moving so he can quickly write when he finally has words to put on paper. 

“Yes, knowing there is a chance they may just disappear from your life forever would motivate you to want to run to them and scream your heartfelt emotions in their face, wouldn’t you think?” The older male laughs vibrantly at that—his resting arm stretching a bit more to reach and grip at the corner of Jihoon’s own backseat. 

“Screaming it all to their face? That would make them want to runaway, they’d probably be glad to move elsewhere if their all-time-childhood friend just comes up to them and shouts out words of love and affection all of a sudden with no actual context. I could imagine how red that person’s face would be, whether it’s from the constant shouting or the embarrassment, it’d be a funny sight.” The younger boy chuckles as the older joins in the banter. He shakes his head as his wiggle-lined drawings turn into circles. 

“Hey, you know what I mean! Anyways, them leaving is what would motivate you. But, what  _ makes _ you want to confess in the first place is what they said to you.” The other male perks up at that, he eyes Jihoon. 

“What did the person say?” He questions, Jihoon looks back at him. 

“Hm? I don’t know, the song is about the person confessing and I’m just telling the overall story concept. Whatever the moving person said, it was enough to get the other to think nonstop about what to say or do before their friend, crush—whatever they are to them—leaves.” Soonyoung presses his chin between his thumb and index, muttering about how it sounds like a cliche anime romance within a highschool setting. His ramblings—though low and barely audible—was still heard by the ravenette. He earned a soft chuckle from him. 

“Maybe it really _ should  _ be an anime song.” Jihoon says sarcastically with a smirk. When he glances up at the older male, he quickly recoils in his seat. It was clear to see the other liked the idea—having just been into quite a bit of Japanese shows as of lately—by the way his wide smile reached across his face and his eyes twinkled ever so slightly.  _ Bad Idea. _

“And before you say anything, no. It will  _ not _ be an anime song. I was joking...Anyways, you know the concept of the song to its fullest. The beginning would start off low, it has to follow the music anyways. I want the vocals to be a transition of soft to high between lines, the changes would fit well with the beat. Sort of like a rock or alternative feeling.” He quickly scribbles that down on paper and then goes back to tapping—humming softly to the melody he’s decided to shape, stopping every now and then to experiment on pitches. 

“If you want to go for a rock or alternative feel, then wouldn’t it sound a bit foreboding? Hmm. Well, how about you start it off as if it’s a scene? You know, start it off with what could be the most heart-clenching and anxious part of a romance show or movie? Alot of animes and movies nowadays have been pretty angsty that may fit what you’re looking for.” He gestures one hand around, swinging and flailing it around in the air to add a jokingly nonchalant emphasis on everything. Jihoon practically scowls at him 

“No! You said you’d help me, but you’re not. Like,  _ at all _ . You’re just joking around. I just want at least a third of the outline done. But since I haven’t gotten even one line down in the past hour, I feel like I should just go back to fixing everything in the beat.” His face sours at the implication of not having anything done. He lets out a long sigh, the soft sound of frustration leaving his small lips as he bends over in his chair to bury his cheek in the palm of his hand.  Soonyoung was going to protest against him on the idea of going back to that headache-inducing task, but when he sees the small boy huff and blow at the black strands that have fallen in his eyes—he quickly dismisses it and presses his lips to bite down the attempt. He knew music had always been so important to the younger male—along with himself and the others, of course—but guessing by the sudden change of mood by the other, he could only guess that he was the only one who thought the light-hearted jokes and laughters they shared being of any help, especially to his mentality, and to which it so apparently and obviously wasn’t. 

“Alright, then go back to that then.” The ravenette looks up with a tilted head, his bangs swaying to the side—blinking at the older male in disbelief and victory. But when the younger boy glances at him with the corner of his eye after looking away for a bit only to return his attention back to him, he deflates into the chair as his head turns to the side to stare at the unmoving desk lamp—the look of defeat wearing at his face. The inducement is gone when Jihoon has to stomach the air of despondency as he breathes. The boy can only mutter a simple ‘thank you’ as he faces away from the brunette’s expression—if he were to take in more of the sight, the feeling of mortification from his self-absorbity and culpability would only accompany his mind instead of his work. 

“I’m sure I’ll just be a bother like I have been, so I’ll take my leave.” Soonyoung pushes himself up without any hesitation—shoving his hands in his pocket as the familiar heavy steps echo in the barely-furnished-room, neither looking back at each other as the older male makes his way to the door the smaller boy once stood at just a few hours ago. The door clicks and Jihoon notices things have become sickenly hollow and dull within the small wooden study despite the curtainless window and agonizingly bright sunlight. 

He remembers the tired nights—the frustrating mornings and the melodious music in his dim-lit workroom, but he doesn’t remember being lonely like this before.    

…..

The wooden living area basked in the yellow glow of the afternoon sun, a dream-like scene painted only in movies. The beautiful image; however, was ignored by occupant and lazy eyes. The droopy eyelids told the boredom that ghosted the young male's features—or perhaps he was just exhausted? Regardless, his very unmannered posture and pouty lips proved to show the lingering distaste from earlier events despite the long hours of watching various tv show genres and movies. Not having uplifting his upsetting mind in time as he thought he would, he starts to become washed with natural urges of concern. Just as if it's an instinct he was born with, he allows his body to move on its own—pushing himself off from the cozy couch he had sunken into quite a bit ago. Rubbing his creased forehead with the tips of his fingers, he makes his way towards the last place he remembered he had once found himself at in the morning. Silence fills the now-warmed air when calloused fingers wrap around the knob of the oaky frame. All it takes is a slight twist and a small push forward and the thing is moved forward for the sight of a hunched figure all dressed in an attire that consists of layers and more layers. He had hoped the sound that woke him had suddenly disappeared throughout the day, but it was still there when the hinges allowed the creaking to slip through in the small room. The figure that was already caught in view from the entrance he stood at perks up and the image of an all-black hair was replaced with a pale-faced boy whose dark strands swayed from the turn of his head. 

The quiet air that leaked into the room was now heavily pushing down on their skins. The entire atmosphere felt like a murderer in the midst of searching for their victim, both tried their best not to avert away in the—not including bodies—empty room, so small peeks and glances was exchanged between the male idols. It wouldn't be much of an exaggeration if either males said they could only hear the rustling of leaves outside and the sound of their living heart, a moment both of them knew they'd rather much forget during idol life and career together. Maybe it was only heard by just him, but the brunette sucked in a breath that was loud from within his body. It was and should be normal to be the initiator. 

"Jihoon..." Muttering from the male's soft tone of voice. The killing air may have been unbearable, but the taste of the younger boy's name was that of sweet vanilla and calm strawberry candy in comparison. Oh, how much the older member wanted to say it again, to let it linger in the tip of his tongue and allow himself to relish in its flavor. How he'd love each syllable to drip across his lips and to comfort his whirling mind from this uncharted feeling and situation, but he knows better. He knows he can't and so, he doesn't. He caught the fluttering of what might be considered perfect lashes, the ravenette staring right at him almost in a daze. His small form shrunk within his seat as his cautious dark eyes scan the standing male—whether he was aware of it or not, he gave an appearance of a sheepish tiny animal with his timidness. Soonyoung's heart melted in that spot, blinking at the curious boy as if he was observing a pet he's taken home for the very first time in its cage. His always-open mouth was pressed firmly together, not wanting the younger to see him gape at him like an idiot. His mind imagined the sound of clicking or snapping as it stores yet another image in the back of his thoughts for later. When the silence drawled the distance between them, Jihoon tilts his head at the male and hums a short unworded question. Soonyoung finally remembers why he came back to visit. 

"Uh...How are things going? I hope I'm not disturbing you..." He nervously scratches the back of his neck, examining the room and pretending he's trying to find any changes since the last time he was in it. Of course, there were no physical differences—only the forgotten shared smiles, no matter how little. Jihoon lets out an awkward chuckle, the disinclination of nerves and unfamiliarity spreads through every tiny taste bud bump on his tongue. His toes curl up as he grips at the strings of his sweater, playing with them gentfully as he awaits for any sort of appropriate words to stream within his mind. 

“I—um—no, it's fine. I was just—uh...about done. Finished the whole instrumental...heh…” Though he wanted to, he dared not say about how he felt the room’s emptiness, despite it's already barren ensemble from their arrival, when the other male had up and gone during the morning hours. And how much he was thankful for the—though awkward—small conversation, or attempt of one. He cursed his frustration and stress for distracting him, forcing the work to be overdue according to his own personal schedule and for the unpleasant tension with the other male. Soonyoung hums lowly as a response and does a glance around once more.

“That's good, maybe I could listen to it? If you don't mind, of course.” The brunette managed to find some of the confidence he had somehow lost as the words calmly leave his always-working-mouth. The idea wasn’t bad. In fact, Jihoon would've asked of him sooner or later yet failed to due to the slight uncomfortable feeling he kept getting whenever he thought of the taller male. When his dark irises met the performer’s, they twinkled with such ecstatic hope—he took the offer with expectations of clearing up the air and perhaps upping their moods. 

“Yes, of course. I was thinking about asking for your opinion since I felt I might've missed something. It felt lacking, I hope your first listen points out any specific timings that might be too flawed.” The smaller boy said rather too quickly. When he realised and reviewed what he had said, he began to question himself. The ideas and images of sounding too expectant and ungrateful whirled within his mind and the feeling of panic started to seed inside his loudly thumping chest. 

“Oh? Is that so? Heh, I'm glad you actually were thinking of asking for my help and opinion.” Soonyoung chuckles softly and walks towards the smaller boy.  _ There it was again _ . That gentle and genuine sound of his voice filled Jihoon’s cavern with warmth. The ravenette swivels his chair around to face the screen, shrinking into his seat. The taller male plops down on the small couch, not wanting to pull up a chair and sit next to the boy again—he doesn't feel like taking any chances of reenacting the morning scene. There was a couple seconds of silence and all that was heard were the sounds of clicking. Soon enough, music filled the wooden room. Both males listened carefully until the very end.

“The guitar riff has such a rock feel. But it's not exactly heavy or hard as Clap, it's rather softer.” Soonyoung states, rubbing his chin. The composer only hums softly, a sign that the older is stating the obvious. 

“I suppose some parts seem to be lacking. The riffs do seem somewhat incomplete. Why don't you split the guitar solo into short parts and make the bass line just a bit louder to make it almost outline the guitar like you would with vocals?” The taller male questions. Jihoon blinks at him as he takes in the information, placing his chin between his thumb and index with a raised eyebrow. 

“Ah, yeah. That might work.” Upon hearing the smaller boy’s approving mutterings, the choreographer’s mood lights up a bit more than before. He stares at him with a merry vision and the urge of pleasing the boy with better suggestions increase. Soonyoung allows himself to present a chirpy smile—not exactly aimed at anyone or anything as he looks down at his fiddling hands.

“The guitar seems like the main thing and since the bass could act as the outline. How about you try making the drum bits harder? The snares and symbols, and especially the kicks. It might help essentiate the solos better. Almost like they’re echoing.” The ravenette peers up at the older male with wonder with parted lips as he awaits for him to say more. He didn’t want to admit it, but regardless of not being able to write beats, he sure does have a good feel of what needs to be where and how. He swallows a lump that was building up in his throat. 

“What about the piano? What do you think of it?” He plays with the strings of his sweatpants as he avoids trying to bite his inside cheek. The other simply looks down at him, eyes showing subtle startelement and confusion. Folding an arm across his torso as he holds his other arm up with a hand gripping his elbow—he rests his cheek against his palm and hums playfully with a tongue sticking out, face scrunching up slightly.

“I think it’s fine as it is. It seems to match well and it’s very much your kinda style, ya’ know? You like to add piano bits in many of our songs and while sometimes it may be too low for others that don’t frequently listen to the instrumentals carefully, it really completes the beat. But, I did hear a flute, I think?” The brunette tilts his head as he gazes up at the ceiling, questioning his own ears. Jihoon’s usually-narrow-eyes widen a bit. In all honesty, he shouldn’t be impressed with the dancer at all. But, he couldn’t help but admit that—not only does he have a tiger gaze—he also seems to have quite good hearing that seems to be just slightly more enhanced than what is considered normal. He nods at him without saying a word. 

“Don’t you think it would be cool to had some sort of reverb to it? Or turn it into a synth-flute sound?” His dark eyes light up with such sudden enthusiasm that the composer sat up straight in surprise. He blinks at the male wildly—speechless of the fact that he’s acting like a child whom went on a rollercoaster for the very first time and felt the pure excitement of the exhilarating rush. Watching Soonyoung continuously talk, the younger male felt like the crazy, wild choreographer he knew changed. He gapes at him with a much different appreciation. Without knowing, his dark irises were glittering with new pure adoration and unadulterated admiration for the older male. Despite the distinct change of expression and the heavy stare, the other continues to blabber away—not aware if the smaller boy was really paying attention or not. 

“Ah! It might also be cool if near the end, there’s two guitars playing the same melody but one is playing slightly different chords than the other on each ear. It could be like having two keys of the same melody at different centers, the main on the right ear and the other on the left!” The older male was flailing about in his seat, too ecstatic about his constantly flow of ideas. Jihoon could hear exactly what he’s saying, but the male’s voice seemed somewhat muffled in his usually strained and heightened ears. All he could do was stare in amazement at this newly-found side of the brunette. Before he even knew that the taller male had finally stopped talking, he was caught off guard when his eyes met the other’s. 

“What do you think, Jihoon?” A simple question that he somehow couldn’t seem to answer, the reply becoming incredibly delayed by each ticking of the time. Soonyoung tilts his head and smiles endearingly at him as he shows the patience he seems to show to the younger one a lot. The smaller boy questions the composure he was seeing. Did his relentless and foolish energy he had been constantly displaying outweigh this side of him? Was it something Jihoon had finally noticed? It seemed almost out of character, Soonyoung was hardly patient and this calm attitude after such rush of creative excitement made no sense. The ravenette knew the older male would be quite bouncy and spirited without any restraint by now. He wondered whether the brunette had shown this much interest and tolerance for someone’s answer. Maybe it was something he had only ever done to the composer, he noticed the other’s absorption whenever it came to him. The latter was making his mind spin for whatever reason, so he chooses to push the entire thought away. 

“I—uh—I didn’t think of any of that….That’s actually quite amazing, Soonyoung…” His soft voice was shivering ever so slightly and though it didn’t seem like the other male caught it, Jihoon wanted nothing but to bite his lip in what felt like embarrassment and frustration as he averts his eyes. He shrunk back into his seat, trying to push down the small distress from his voice. He made a quick upward  glance at his surprising helper. Just when he thought things couldn’t get anymore muddled and difficult for his whirling mind, he was presented with a very lustrous smile and crinkling eyes—the gleam of the sunglow-dusk from the curtainless window didn’t help with the brightly twinkling aura around the taller male. When the thumping of his heart was not only heard, but also felt from within his own body—a string of images that seemed to be unimaginable played right in front of him. What he knew about about time collapsed and he was left with tiny specks that flickered with colors of sparking lights. In that moment of tiny rapid waves crashing around inside him, fear crept in from the foreign notes that reached his senses. Because in that moment, whatever feeling he was trying to guess—a peculiar one made him want to curl up in hiding. He had a feeling that this sudden thought—though uncertain and hopefully not likely—would become nothing but an annoying distraction to him. The more he blinks, the more radiant the unknown air that unexpectedly came becomes. 

Jihoon thinks he now knows the annoying distraction is not solely his thoughts, but none other than the man he is gazing at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An "Haha, Jihoon. Ya' finally realized something, didn't ya~?" moment, eh? xD
> 
> Well, it was bound to happen some time soon lol uwu 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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